Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter(s)

A google search turned up that the first eight rules are from this guy:

http://www.wbrucecameron.com/pages/columns/onteenagers/8rules.htm

The fax-of-a-fax-of-a-copy at my brother in law's house had two additional rules:

Rule Nine - Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten - Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is not need to come inside. The camouflaged face in the window is mine.